Bauschy

eggs and bacon

I'm making some.

Off the list

Finish bought me cheese curds, which I ate for the first time yesterday.  NOW can say I am a full Midwesterner?   

Sconnie

Headed to the funeral of Finish's father.  He was quite old, and ill - but those things don't seem to make much difference.  He will really be missed.  Death sucks ass.

So what with the birth and the death all in one week, I'm off to sing Circle of Life and then get ragingly drunk.  I deal successfully with feelings, you know.

Meet Elijah Robert Bausch

Our very first nephew here on Bauschy!  Here he is, barely twenty minutes into life.  Oh, I'm already so proud of him!  (Though his birth might have scared off any of us ever having more children.) 

Congratulations to the very proud parents!  And we'll let you know who won the betting pool later today.

Welcome, little man!

It's been one hell of a weekend

for our group of family and friends, between the death of one parent, a huge run-in with the law, another parent still battling cancer and a baby probably here tomorrow.

I'm actually excited to go back to work, to get some rest.

Trouble in the bus stop

On our rambly way to John's party on the fourth.  Chelsea hates me for not only taking the picture but now posting it, so I'll likely have to placate her tonight with some beef jerky.  I love Keith's pose, and how Matt and Finish are guarding the cooler of Hamm's right behind them - no pictures of the treasure chest allowed!

One more about Meredith. Because I love her.

Last night while out to drinks with Meredith I mentioned that I would like to go see the Extreme Race Day at the track. The ad said there would be camel and ostrich races!

Then Meredith said, "Do they get along? I mean, will they hurt each other?"

"Ah, I don't think they will race together...Here, have another beer."

Damned if you do

My new way to pass time is to send an email to friends, co-workers and clients a link to a sight featuring maps, photos and addresses of all the sex offenders in their neighborhood or near their workplace. I think people find it very helpful, maybe a little creepy, but they are generally appreciative.

Most people.

Meredith was little annoyed and emailed me I was not very fun. I guess my feelings were a little hurt so I tried to find some "fun" things to send her. I found loads of free porn. Really nasty stuff that she would have thought was really funny, but then she would have been mad at me for getting her fired for sending her porn at work.
I give up. The Internet is only good for so much.

Security 101

Everyone seemed a little surprised by the amount of security measures there was in the Birthing Ward of the hospital. I was not because I watch lots of TV and have a general distrust for everyone that isn't me.  We had to get buzzed through security doors coming and going, the babies are kept in the room with the mother instead of a nursery, and even when they take them to get a shot or bath, they recommend sending along a parent or relative to keep an eye on the newborn and make sure there is no baby switching, or sending baby down the laundry chute, or baby stowaway in the empty plastic fake pregnancy belly of a woman driven mad by her barren womb.

It is because I watch so much TV that I understood these things and knew how completely misdirected all those security measures were. Anyone whose ever watched five minutes of Lifetime knows, it is always the nurse who steals the babies. Scorned women become a trusted and accomplished staff member so they can gain the happy new mothers trust and friendship so they can get what they want - a baby. (Sometimes a husband, but that is a different movie.)

Luckily, our family escaped with baby, but a couple of the nurses were shifty eyed and looked as though their husbands had cheated on them with their best friend while they were pregnant, which they found out by a hotel receipt in the husbands pants as they dutifully did laundry, which led them to follow the bastard and from a car across the street they see them make-out outside the restaurant he just took them to for a very special and romantic birthday! Oh, what a fool they had been! Then in a blind rage they take off from the curb, not looking into traffic and BAM! They awake in a hospital bed, where a very remorseful husband has to tell them...they lost the baby. As they gain their strength back, the feelings of revenge and entitlement to what was once theirs also begins to grow. Then they become a nurse and steal babies.

Happens all the time.

My brother and his wife are damn lucky I was there. I am going to write a letter to the hospital or something when I have time to warn other people, but I have been kinda busy.

Hey baby...

Yesterday was pretty much the coolest day ever and yes, Mom, I am a teeny bit jealous.

Last night, I kept giving Matt a new, crazed "come hither and impregnate me" look that was sent via my uterus to my brain the exact moment I saw Baby Elijah. 
We sat on the couch, him, watching the home run derby, me, staring at him. He would glance over nervously, ready to defend himself with the remote if necessary. Scared that at any moment he might be mugged in his own dark living room by wife-point.

One of only men left with nothing wrong with them...

Thanks, Cherri, for this.

"The back story on this is that a girl named Olga was out with her friends and she talked to this guy named Dmitri for all of two minutes. Then she gave him her card and said 'give me a call.' " 

Sword-wielding = Danger, Not "Good Times"

This is why I always tell Karah, Don't bring your sword to the cemetery! It will only get you shot! Maybe now she'll believe me.